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Essential Italian Grammar – Formal and Informal Speech

In Italian it is vitally important to distinguish between formal and informal situations, so carefully choosing and using the form that better fits the social context is the key to proper communication.

In a formal situation, like a first-time meeting with a person (even if social rank and age are similar); with older people and with people of higher rank or authority, it is necessary to use a courtesy form.

The English second person singular pronoun "you" is translated with the Italian second person singular "tu" in an informal situation, while in a formal situation the third person singular feminine "lei" is used to address people of both sexes.

In formal writing, the first letter is commonly capitalized (Lei). The verb, the adjectives and everything that is connected to the addressee will be in the third person singular. As a consequence, if the subject is dropped, verb, adjectives and grammatical pointers give information about the level of formality of a given speech/text.

The "Lei" form can be accompanied by the honorific title of the person being addressed. The title precedes the name or surname of the addressee. Using a person's surname is more formal than using his first name.

In an informal situation, Italians usually tend to drop the titles, as their presence would be inconsistent with an informal approach, so using it in such a context sounds ironical and somewhat funny.

It is easy to spot a formal structure in written Italian thanks to capitalization, while it is much more ambiguous in spoken Italian. In fact, it can create misunderstandings and can also be used as a base for wordplays and puns,  as "lei" is also used as a third person feminine pronoun.

In the past, it was common to use the second person plural pronoun "Voi" as a formal way of addressing someone showing due respect. In that case as well, everything connected to the pronoun had to be declined or conjugated on the second person plural.

Children would even use the "Voi" form to address their parents and their grandparents!

In the modern language, such a form of courtesy is rare, but it is still used in the Southern regions of Italy (where it is actually felt as less formal than "Lei" and more formal than "tu"), in some dialects (even in Northern Italy), and in extremely formal situations – for example, to address the Pope (whose title is Sua Santità, "His Holiness"), the President of the Republic, or very important guests (queens, kings, and so on) visiting Italy for diplomatic reasons.

To address more than just one person in a formal way, the correct form is "Voi" as well, which coincides with the colloquial form of the second person plural. The use of "Loro" is extremely rare, but it can still happen in some formal situations.

It is very important to pay attention to the context and to our addressee, as it is extremely easy to make a mistake and be considered rude or not polite enough, especially by people who really pay attention to etiquette. Indeed, there are some tacit social rules that should be respected.

1. When using the "Lei" form, the addressee could invite his conversation partner to use the "tu" form if he so desires. In this case, switching to the "tu" form is an urbane choice, but taking the liberty of doing it when not asked may be considered not polite.
2. Speakers will use the same courtesy form to address each other. If coetaneous, they may use the "tu" form, but if they want/must maintain a certain level of formality, they will stick to the "Lei" form.
3. A mismatching combination of courtesy forms can occur between an adult and a child or a younger person. In this case, the "tu" form is used by adults addressing younger people, while the "Lei" form is used by young people addressing adults. 
4. Sometimes, the courtesy form is used to stress cold politeness between speakers, so as to maintain the social gap, more than to show deference.